37 Weeks
by ManderBetis
Summary: In one moment I knew that that our hopes and dreams were gone. I wanted to forget, I needed to remember but I couldn't do both. I was merely surviving but no longer living. Entry for the Black Balloon Contest.


**The Black Balloon**** Contest**

**Title: 37 Weeks**

**Your pen name: Manderbetis**

**Characters: Edward and Bella**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything recognizable in this story. **

**Beta'd by theotherbella whom I adore endlessly :)**

***Warning this story contains a late term stillbirth***

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I could hear furniture being moved to accommodate everyone at the table for Sunday dinner; a Cullen family tradition that pre-dated me. That was saying something because our tenth wedding anniversary was two weeks ago. We got married young but when you know, you just know. We spent years living in New York, going to school and building our careers but three years ago we decided to move home and start a family. Things of course didn't go as planned. Eleven months of basal temps, ovulation sticks, baby making sex and two week waits, extensive fertility testing, an extremely low sperm count and four rounds of In Vitro. All of the frustration and tears were finally worth it because in three weeks our little miracle would be born.

I had never felt more beautiful in my life; I glowed. I embraced the weight gain, the strange cravings and stretch marks. I wore the maternity pants, empire waist shirts and traded in my heels for the more sensible flats, with pride. I took advantage of Edward doing the laundry, the food shopping and the daily afternoon naps. There wasn't a single thing about our pregnancy that I didn't document and treasure; we had earned this through everything we had endured.

I always loved our weekly get togethers but truth be told today I wasn't in the mood for company and dinner, that was a first. I was feeling off in a way that I couldn't explain, gone today was my usual smile and upbeat attitude. I was beyond exhausted, more tired than I have ever been before. Instead of spending the day running errands with my husband, I slept. I finally got out of my pajamas, slipping on my favorite pair of jeans and wrap around shirt; flaunting my ever expanding belly. I took the stairs one at a time because coordination was something I have always lacked and wouldn't risk a fall.

"Bella, look at you, even bigger than last week." My burly brother-in-law roared as he swooped me up in a bear hug. Bending down and kissing my belly, which would have probably been a little strange, but his wife Rosalie was also expecting. Em was thrilled that our children would grow up together, his enthusiasm was practically contagious.

"Hi baby, it's uncle. Guess what we bought you a little present." Soon to be Uncle Emmett said excitedly to my belly. Almost everyone has taken to speaking to our little one via my stomach, I didn't mind it one bit.

"You guys know that isn't necessary. He doesn't need a thing." I said as I reached for the plain white box. Who was I kidding; I loved anything baby.

"Momma B, he needs them trust me." I opened and pulled out the cutest pair of baby sized hospital scrubs. I knew instantly that Edward would love them.

"Oh Em, thank you. Edward will love it."

"Emmett saw them and couldn't resist, who knew this big guy would be a freak for baby clothes? How are you feeling?" Rosalie asked while rubbing her swollen stomach.

"Tired but great, you?" Looking at Rose was like looking in a mirror, albeit a much taller, beautiful mirror. She was exactly one month behind me; we couldn't have planned it any better if we tried.

"Awesome, we finished the nursery today." She described the tutu pink and purple design in detail, it was the exact opposite of the neutral Twinkle Twinkle Little Star set we had chosen. Our nursery had been done for a little over a month with the mural incomplete until we know whether Elizabeth or Edward would go above the crib.

"Setting my boy on the right track, I see." Edward walked in from the kitchen with a wide smile for me.

"Yea, unless he takes after his uncle and does a little running back." Emmett loved the idea of having a daddy's girl but was also a little jealous of us having a boy.

We actually had no idea whether our miracle was a boy or girl but it wasn't for a lacking of checking. Three ultrasounds, one of those silly at home pee tests and all results were inconclusive. But I knew in my heart it was a boy; a little green eyed boy, with chestnut brown untamable hair, a strong jaw hidden under the chubbiest cheeks. He would be the perfect mixture of his insanely handsome father and I.

We all made our way into the kitchen, trying to help with dinner but Esme wasn't having it. She ordered her boys to make us relax and get our now favorite snack: ham, cream cheese and pickle roll ups. Dinner was excellent as usual and it was my favorite to boot: Esme's eggplant parm and garlic cheesy bread. We talked about our week, Alice and Jasper's new house, the new addition to Forks Hospital staff and babies. We always talked about the pending arrivals. I was unusually quiet, extremely drained and Edward of course noticed but I brushed it off as fatigue. Dessert was served and devoured in seconds but with Emmett around it wasn't shocking. We made our way to living room to relax and fit more conversation in before everyone left for the night. We truly enjoyed each other's company. I sat in my favorite chair in the corner, sinking right down and enjoyed just observing everyone. Emmett beamed with pride over finally getting the baby's crib put together. The way he looked at Rosalie reminded me of my Edward and the love he always showed me. Rosalie looked at him with that same adoration that I had for my husband. Alice and Jasper were still newlyweds but their new love was shining brightly tonight. Carlisle and Esme were what I wanted to be thirty five years from now; the small touches and smiles; they were my definition of a perfect couple.

"My little lady is tap dancing on my bladder." Rosalie announced interrupting my inner musing, groaning as she stood up.

I put my hand over my belly, patting gently like I always did. My little guy must have been asleep; he hadn't sent me any love taps during dinner. I kept myself out of the lively conservation, just smiling and nodding when needed. My hand rest over my belly for who knows how long with no movements. When was the last time he moved, I asked myself? He always woke me up with a few goal scoring kicks around 5:30am but today I slept until 8. I blasted his favorite "Living on a Prayer" in the shower, that always got him moving and nothing. I laid in bed all day and not a thing. When was the last time he kicked?

I looked over at Edward, goosebumps covered my arms. Why was he enjoying himself, while I was freaking out internally? I knew for certain he woke up me up yesterday morning. He was awake and active throughout my last prenatal yoga class yesterday morning. Rosalie and I shopped for a few hours, buying Halloween decorations; did he move then? I couldn't remember. He definitely didn't move during the dinner I brought to the hospital because Edward had to work late. He didn't kick to the beat while I jammed out in the car on my way home. No pre-sleep movements, the last time he moved was yesterday morning? That couldn't be right. The chatting was still going on around me but I was frozen, mouth open, heart beating overtime. I was officially nervous.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Edward asked clearly concerned. I wasn't an over-reacter, so the shocked look on my face was most likely alarming.

"I can't- I can't remember the last time he moved." I whispered. Maybe that was a lie? I knew for certain he hadn't moved all day.

"It's ok, he's probably just sleeping. Give him some time." He said reassuringly as he rubbed my still motionless belly.

"Today, he hasn't moved at all." I was getting frantic, kicking the ottoman out from under my feet to stand up.

"Ok Bella, calm down." Edward said softly as he went to pull me up. He wasn't moving at the lightening speed that I needed.

"Get me up!" I screamed frantically. I couldn't stand up from my favorite plush, overstuffed chair. I need to get up, I need to get to my doctors, and I needed to see my baby. "Get me up now."

"Bella, what's wrong?" Emmett was at my side in a second, helping Edward hoist me out of the most ridiculous fucking chair of all time.

"He hasn't moved, I need- I need to go to the hospital." I rushed out, gasping for breathe. Edward was already dialing his Blackberry, calling either the on call or the ER as he filled in down there from time to time and knew all the doctors. No one said a word; no one moved they all just stared. Six eyes, all on me but I didn't care, I needed to go.

"Dr. Evans said he'd take you right in. Let's go." I did my best to not waddle out of the room as all eyes were on me but at thirty seven weeks that was nearly impossible. Just before the front door shut I heard Rosalie demanding to know what was going on.

Thankfully Edward didn't make sure that I got in carefully, not holding my door like always; saving me the words of frustration that it wasn't the time to be a gentleman.

The fifteen minute ride somehow turned into eight and a half, a record even for my speed demon husband. He held my hand, rubbed circles into my tingling skin, murmured fictitious assurances that everything would be alright. But somewhere in my mind I already knew but that didn't stop me from closing my eyes, trying to concentrate on any movements that I might have been missing.

The car came to an abrupt stop at the main entrance, Edward opening my door before I could get my seatbelt off. I grabbed his extended hand for support, more emotional than physical, my heart and head already knew the answer to my fears. We walked at a hurried pace, weaving through the unusually crowd main floor. The thirty-two second wait for the elevator to open gave me enough time to look up at my handsome and now incredibly scared looking husband. I could see him mentally calculating the fastest way to the sixth floor. Luckily the elevator opened before he could scoop me up and take the stairs. We walked onto the maternity floor, greeted by Edna, a nurse we met during our final Lamaze class last month.

"Dr. and Mrs. Cullen, come on back, the door is through the side." She had a timid smile as she directed us around the corner.

We got to skip the paperwork and were brought right into an ultrasound room at the far end of the hall. It wasn't the updated and renovated room that I was accustomed to, but it was the only free room.

Four minutes of nervous silence passed with Edward rubbing my back, before the sonographer walked in. She introduced her self as Jessica and instructed me to lie down. Not needing further instructions I pulled my shirt up and slightly pulling down the top of my jeans. I was sure that everything was moving in slow motion, but I couldn't be completely sure; minutes felt like hours. My mind was not eager to get the news that would be coming but then I needed to know.

The cold ointment was spread across my belly and on the screen was a very distorted image, not the clear picture we usually saw. The clearly broken machine gave me no more answers that I had before.

"This machine is old and not working correctly, I need to get you across the hall. You'll have to go back to the waiting room." So we went, Edward stopping at the check-in desk to ask for the wait time.

"Sir, you can just find a seat there are four patients ahead of you." The red headed receptionist didn't look familiar and wasn't very nice. She spoke to Edward without even raising her head.

"This is an emergency if you could-"

"Sir, there is a line, you will be called when it's your turn." She obviously had no idea who she was talking to with her annoyance laced voice. Instead of throwing around his hospital id, Edward went a different route, a much more embarrassing, public route.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry to do this as I'm sure you all have been waiting patiently but my wife and I are here to check if our baby is alive. Would anyone object to us cutting ahead?"

Another room frozen in silence; we were quite the pair today, effectively shutting down a whole dinner and waiting room in seconds. The entire room shook their heads giving the receptionist permission to let us cut ahead.

"You may come on back." The bitchy receptionist said to us four minutes and nineteen seconds later, looking as silly as I'm sure she felt. She walked us down to room 3 and told us Jessica would be in, in a minute.

"Your boss will here about this." Edward said ominously as she slinked away quickly.

"Edward, this isn't her fault." I didn't like her at this moment anymore than he did, but she was just doing her job.

"You already know, don't you?" He asked hesitantly. I nodded my head; I didn't need some state of the art ultrasound to confirm my worst fears. I was a mother after all and we had a sixth sense when it came to our children.

I assumed my previous position, shirt up pants down. Edward's large hand rested above my belly, quiet tears rolled down his cheeks. Maybe I should have held my thoughts in, given him those extra two minutes and twenty-seven seconds of hope that we would leave here today with a miracle.

Jessica came in, squirted the goop spreading it around and left the room all in under three minutes. I didn't need a certificate to make out what we were seeing. Our beautiful unborn, heart not beating, not breathing baby girl. Ironically her legs spread as wide as could be. My breathe was ragged as his hand found mine, gripping me tightly as I joined him in shedding a few tears.

The head of OB came in, shook hands with Edward and introduced himself to me. I missed his 'I'm sorry' only focusing on his frown as he looked at the screen. His pained expression was the definite confirmation saying more than words ever could. His frown told me that my baby, the very extension of myself was gone. I couldn't focus on anything but his frown. That frown haunted me all the way home with orders to come back the following evening for an induction.

Edward was by my side the entire night offering gentle touches and comfortable silence, but neither of us had the right words. Our hopes and dreams were all wrapped into our baby girl; there were no words to ease that pain.

The phone rang too many times, and Edward handled every call with a patience that I couldn't have muster. Would it have been too much for them to just call Esme who knew all the heartbreaking details? No, Edward had to answer every call and give the same speech over and over "No, unfortunately we lost the baby. She's doing okay. Tomorrow. Thanks for your concern." His voice broken every time but he never cracked, never cried. I loved him more than life, more than ever.

I walked out of the kitchen to him at the dining room table, where he sat with his head in hands. I rubbed up his arm, taking his hand in mine and brought him upstairs. I couldn't bear the thought of being alone even for a second. I started the shower, undressed the both of us and brought us both under the hot water. I washed my hair and body trying to get rid of that hospital smell that Edward was accustomed too; avoiding my belly. Ghosting my hand over it now felt like a false hope. I cleaned Edward down, spending extra time massaging his scalp because it relaxed and soothed him. I would have done anything to take his hurt away. The water that fell down over the two of us was warm and comforting, soothing my still sore back. I sat on the stone bench that I had sat on for months; my major pregnancy complaint was my lower back. Edward dropped to his knees, his hand found its way to my still swollen belly, I tried to comfort him as best that I could but his tears fell hard; his sobs spurred on my own. We cried together until the water ran cold. I dried us off, got us dressed and guided us to our big comfortable bed. Laying on my back my preferred position and a pregnancy no-no; I slept on my back last night, could that have been it? It was unlikely, but maybe? Edward curled around me, resting his head on my shoulder, his legs over my legs, his arm over my chest, pulling me as close as possible. He needed to feel better; he needed to feel something besides emptiness. I knew what he needed because I needed it too. I knew nothing would ever cure my emptiness, so I would do what I could to fix his.

I lay beside him as still possible while sleep evaded me. I wanted nothing more than sleep to overtake me to help pass the hours, but it never did. I unwrapped myself from Edward's firm hold around me, quietly making my way to our baby's forever unused bedroom. I wasn't the 'wait until tomorrow' person. I needed to get all of this stuff out of here. There were plenty of expectant mothers without the means to buy the things we had; things that we would never use.

"Baby, this can wait. Mom can do it." Edward said rubbing the sleep from his eyes from the doorway. I loved that he was trying to be sweet but it was in vain. This stuff was mine for my baby; it was my job to do.

"No, I can do it. I need too." He stepped forward; wrapping his arms around me, melting me into his solid chest as he slowly rocked us for a few minutes. He kissed my temple and started at the other end of the closet taking each unisex outfit off a hanger, folding it and adding it to the growing pile of soon to be donated clothing. We worked quietly as a team; we were always a team.

"I think we should stick with same name, do you?" I asked after a long while, I think it was fair to say that our baby making journey had run its course. There was only so much heartbreak that we could handle and it was safe to say that this was it.

"I would like that, its perfect baby." He said softly, tears struggling to stay unshed.

"Good. I want to stop and pick up an outfit for when she is born." He nodded his head in agreement again. "And something special for the funeral, we might not be up for it later."

I could see how hard this was for him. This pregnancy finally gave him a reprieve from the guilt he shouldered in our troubles conceiving, but it was back. I wanted to cry for him, more than for myself. I could have easily gone off and started a family with someone else, as he had begged before. But without him there would be nothing worth having. The next hour passed with the two of us sorting through and bagging up all the washed and put away blankets, burp clothes, receiving blankets and towels.

"No don't get rid of that, please." I asked of the softest blanket I had ever touched and the first thing I had picked out for our baby. The chocolate brown and tan baby blanket would be perfect to wrap our little one in for the few short hours we had with her.

The night crawled by in a foreign silence, we were never at a lost of words with each other but after we closed the door, leaving our daughter's room there was nothing to say.

We made our way downstairs and it was comforting. Downstairs we were free of the reminders of what was happening, even the gift from the Emmett and Rose was gone. I made a big breakfast, enough to feed an army. I wasn't hungry and Edward had offered to make me something but the distraction was necessary. We sat together at our over-sized table, a table we dreamed one day would be filled up with our children and our children's children.

"I think we should keep this." Edward said holding up the almost completed pregnancy book. Many times we would sit down after dinner and fill out what we could. Documenting the foods that made me sick, the first time I felt our baby move and our monthly prenatal appointments.

"Me too." I couldn't bear the chance of forgetting that first flutter on April 21st or the other possible names we picked out; like Charlotte and Tyler.

The day inched by with us lounging on the couch, wrapped around each other. Edward's tears were something I could never get used too. He was the strong one I was the emotional, quirky mess. I cried over everything; commercials, movies but not this. I couldn't bear to cry over this.

I changed into my last maternity outfit; after all I still looked like the expecting mother. The glow was gone, replaced by tired, sad eyes; the smile faded into a straight line.

My hospital bag was already packed and ready to go, we set off for the local baby boutique.

An entire store filled with every baby thing imaginable and yet nothing seemed right for her. We eventually settled on a soft, light pink onesies with "Daddy's Girl, Mommy's world" and a pink snuggly one piece. Across the store I spotted a blush pink dress, nothing fancy, just plain and pretty. It would the only dress she would ever wear, it gave me tingles. I would never pick out her baptism gown, her confirmation dress, her first school dance dress, her prom dress or her wedding dress. I would never cry tears at how perfect she looks in that wedding dress, a moment that I treasured with both my mother and Esme.

"Oh dear, when are you due?" A sweet older woman asked rubbing my belly. Her question was innocent enough but that didn't change the fact that her simple question ripped open my soul.

"Three weeks." I tried to conjure up a smile but my heart wasn't in it, how could it be? My heart was broken, a million pieces floating around disconnected. I brushed past her, continuing to the dress. Tears stung my eyes, fighting for release but I won, they retreated. I held out the tiny silk dress, inspecting it for any imperfections; it would her only dress it needed to be flawless.

"It's just right." He whispered to me.

"It is."

It was drizzling and dreary out, very fitting for our somber mood. We walked hand in hand into the hospital. Neither of us making eye contact with anyone, I think unconsciously we were avoiding conversations with anyone. Anyone could have misconstrued us at the hospital, me with the popped out stomach, him with the customary giving birth bag, as us being here to actually have a baby.

We checked in and were brought into a birthing room; told to get settled in. I changed into the hospital gown and pair of slippers. My obstetrician came in, sympathy all over her face. She spoke of the different methods; I had no opinion except that I wanted to feel it all. Edward decided to go with the standard dose of Pitocin and go from there.

The IV was in, the Pitocin was flowing and the contractions had started. They were strong and steady, I wanted more. I wanted the pain to take away my pain but I knew that would never happen. I turned down the often suggested epidural because I needed to feel every contraction and push I made. Giving birth would be one of the few things I that I could do for my baby.

Two hours passed being only two centimeters dilated they chose to break my water, my body refused to keep my baby alive but didn't want to let her go either.

The pain clouded my mind. The contractions were atrocious and relentless; I would never forget how disgustingly good they felt. I wanted more; I wanted this to last forever. Once this was over and she was out, I would have nothing left to hold onto. I felt her move right into place and was told to start pushing, I wanted to refuse but couldn't; my body just did what it needed to do. I felt fire and stretching, like I was being torn in two. And somehow she was out. I looked up and noticed that it wasn't just Edward, my doctor and nurses. Esme and Carlisle were there with Emmett and Alice, off to the side in tears streaming down their faces. There were no tears of joy, there were no quick movements to clean and test my little Elizabeth. It was quiet, as they handled her to me, all eyes on me.

She was pink, round and perfect. I didn't see a lifeless body, I saw me and Edward. I saw my Elizabeth in what appeared to be deep in a undisturbed slumber. Her eyes closed, but there was an expression something mysterious on her face, It was as if she knew it all; the secrets of who she would have been. Hidden in her forever was her personality, humor, intelligence, talent. The world would never know her, her potential would never bloom.  
I carried my beautiful Elizabeth inside me for eight months three weeks and one day; I pushed her into this world. I now knew the gush of all-consuming love and pride that rushes into every mother's body the instant her child is placed into her arms. But I would never feed my daughter or change her diaper. I would never hear her cry because she was hungry or see her smile for no reason at all. I would never have to adjust to the stress and exhaustion of the awesome new responsibility, to motherhood.

I only had a few shorts hours of being her mother and I took advantage of every second. I held her tight, rocking gently. I kissed her head and held her tiny hand. I was imaging her gripping my hand back but knew she wasn't. I passed her around, Edward looked part thrilled to be holding our little girl and part heartbroken because he knew it would the only time. The hours passed, pictures were taken, hand and foot prints were done, our final goodbyes were made. My heart ache in just imaginable way, I would never be able to experience any of her firsts but I could give her a special, beautiful goodbye. She was my daughter after all.

Funeral plans were made, flowers picked out. I chose everything, down to the songs sung and sent her dress to the funeral home. Elizabeth's unlived life was celebrated with just family and close friends. We honored her with a formal funeral, and laid her to rest in a small white casket covered in pink flowers because all little girls loved the color pink. I tried to be as much of a mother to my daughter as I had the chance to be.

The funeral passed and our real life as we now knew it kicked back up. Edward went back to work after three weeks. The never-ending condolences offered killed him, every time but he thanked every person. My Edward was trying so hard to cover his pain from me but I saw the glances toward her empty room, unshed tears when the couple across the street bought their third bundle home. I need to stay strong for him, he was my life. I knew the statistics; there was a good chance that we wouldn't survive this as a couple. But I knew us, we would be fine.

The weeks passed turning into months without sunlight in my life, without laughter in my life and that was exactly how I needed it. Sometimes if I was still enough, if it was quiet enough I could still feel her moving in me. My belly miraculously shrunk down to my pre pregnancy shape, no longer needing my maternity clothes but never parting with them. I had never felt less beautiful, less worthy of my husband's attention and affection; even though he attempted intimacy of all kinds often. I had a beautiful niece that I couldn't look at without tears overtaking me and ruining everyone's mood.

One sunny spring day I pulled up to our oversized and forever underutilized house, groceries in the trunk to see Edward planting something in our front yard. I shut the car door, walked behind him and waited. I never initiated conversations with him anymore; I never knew what to say. An apology always on the tip of my tongue, a sorry for ruining our lives, an apology he never wanted to hear.

"They're forget-me-nots. Pink." Edward said taking off his gardening gloves. He stood up and turned to me.

"Oh, ok." Was my lackluster answer but saying "I'm sorry for giving you a reason to plant these flowers" wouldn't have been any better.

"I thought that they would be a good way to remember Elizabeth."

I didn't need flowers that would fucking die after who knows how long to remember my daughter. She was in every breathe I took, every step I took, she was everywhere all the time. I know he lost her too, but he wasn't feeling what I was feeling. Long gone were the days of bearing his pain, trying to fix his heart. I was now one half of a love filled empty marriage.

My days were filled with mundane housewife responsibilities: cleaning, cooking, shopping and yoga. My nights were filled with distance though he was close, silence though he spoke. We were so apart yet so close. We lost everything we spent years building and I couldn't have cared less. He is my misery, he was my happiness, he would forever be the love of my life. A love that years ago that made me feel so secure now made me stifled. I hated him.

I hated him for making me feel so loved and wanted when I had nothing else to give but indifference.

I hated him for coming home every night with a hopeful smile for me. I could see him hoping that today would be the day. The day that the switch flipped and the old Bella was back, she never did.

I hated him for showing me how beautiful love and life could be, how happy I could be because I would never feel that again.

I hated him because I was stuck.

I hated him, I hated him, I loved him so much it hurt.

I knew now that there would never be another person who would or could love me as much as Edward. I knew Edward better than anyone else, knowing that he would never stray with another woman. We still had sex, I wasn't a bitter passive aggressive woman, or maybe I was. He touched me, kissed me, loved me better than anyone could but I couldn't let my self find that satisfying release. I couldn't let him bring me the pleasure I once breathed for. It wasn't a lack of effort; Edward would thrust harder, faster, slower and nothing. Not even once. He would roll over and sleep restlessly, while I just lay awake. Yet still he looked at me with that sparkle and I continuously shut him down day after day. I loved him with every once of my soul and didn't know how to make my way back home.

We lived stalled year after year. Sometimes I felt like I needed to finally move on. Sometimes I felt like I needed to hold on and remember. I always I wondered if I could do them both, I wanted to so desperately.

Elizabeth's forget me nots bloomed, it was sunny and for the first time in three years I welcomed it. Through the window overlooking our front yard I saw Edward busy pruning her flowers, just as he always did. Pouring his heart into them as if they were Elizabeth herself. He still took my breathe away, the years showing on his face only made him more handsome. I needed him, I wanted him; I walked outside to him with more love than I had had in the last three years.

He was sitting with his knees drawn up to chest, his eyes closed looking up to the sky, his whispers stopped me. I felt like I was intruding on his personal time and thoughts but I had already pushed him away enough what's another thing to add to my list of awfulness?

"Work has been tough; taking over for grandpa has taken more planning than I anticipated." Carlisle was retiring? Was I told this? Edward would be the new chief of staff and he never mentioned it. Night after night of silence filled gourmet dinners and he never mentioned it? Or did he?

"Your mother and I are the same, coexisting. I miss her. I miss her voice, her laugh, her smile, her touch. Oh Elizabeth, I miss her touch so much. I keep thinking that things will eventually get better but maybe I'm wrong. I am telling you the same thing. Every spring I sit here and tell you the same sad story." I knew how he was feeling I saw it all over his face everyday but to hear the words, to hear the frustration ...the words hit my heart. What was I doing to him? What was I doing to my Edward, the person I loved more than myself? And god, I missed it all too. His real smile, it used to make my day and I hadn't seen it in years.

"They look beautiful, baby." I said, my voice rasped as if I hadn't spoken a word in years.

He looked up at shocked, maybe it was because I was there, maybe it was because I called him baby. His shocked expression morphed into that blazing smile I missed and I didn't hold back mine. I held my hand out to him, pulled him up so he stood in front of me.

He didn't let go and for the first time in three years neither did I.

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As always let me know what you think! And to see other awesomely sad stories go to http://www{dot}fanfiction{dot}net/community/Black_Balloon_Contest/78669/


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